News Flash! Obama Declares Recession Over

Washington D.C.

America can finally rejoice. In a late Sunday evening press conference, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke has declared that the recession is over. However, the good news for the cash strapped nation doesn't stop there. In what some economic analysts have declared the surprise of the century, Bernanke announced that third quarter economic numbers were so good that the nation is actually in a (opposite of a depression). In the third week of September alone, unemployment plummited from a 30 year high of 10.8% to an infintesimally small 0.3%. The source for the sudden turnaround should come as no surprise to anyone who has seen a sporting event, read a newspaper, or even owned a television in the past ten years: Athletic Juggernaut and America's Golden Boy Charles Rogers. Spurred by Rogers' blockbuster signing with Team Kanye, sales of Charles Rogers related sports attire skyrocketed last week. According to Bernanke, the spike was so large that it turned around the nation's entire economy. Although exact numbers will be unavailable until the end of the month, sources within the Fed say that buying frenzy has been so great that Charles Rogers has surpassed big auto as the state of Michigan's largest industry. While Bernanke clearly stated that now is a time for Americans to "rejoice and embrace our bright, prosperous, Charles Rogers-filled future," he warned against a potentially dangerous development of a subprime Detroit Lions #80 Jersey market on Wall Street.

Jason Campbell Is Still Not Charles Rogers

Fact: Jason Campbell lost to the Detroit Lions.
Fact: Charles Rogers did not lose the Detroit Lions in his entire NFL career.

The Redskins should sign Frank Battaglia.
Jason Campbell is still not Charles Rogers.

Are You Charles Rogers?

Have you ever wondered if you were, in fact, Charles Rogers? To aid in answering this age old question, I'm Charles Rogers has developed an easy, take at home test to determine whether or not you are Charles Rogers. Simply follow these easy steps:

1. Take out your Driver's License or other Government Issued ID.
2. Read the name on the ID.

If the name on the ID does not read "Charles Rogers," you are most likely not Charles Rogers. If the name on the ID reads "Charles Rogers," we kindly ask that you return our wallet.

Jason Campbell is Not Charles Rogers

Unlike Jay-Z, Jason Campbell is not cool. However, he and Jay-Z have something in common. They are both not Charles Rogers.

Jason Campbell is bad at football. So bad that Matt Millen didn't even sign him to a 6 year contract. Ouch. Jason Campbell is so bad at football that he would only make a mediocre 4th grade Pop Warner American Football quarterback. Frank Battaglia would start over him and Jason Campbell would only get to play in the 5th quarter with the other bad kids.

Jason Campell is not Charles Rogers.

Support the 28th Amendment!

The time for change is now! Do your part to end the greatest legislative oversight in modern American history. Call or email your Senator or Representative to voice your support for the 28th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

The proposed 28th Amendment states:

"The Congress shall have power to prohibit the physical desecration of the Jersey of Charles Rogers."

This truly is change we can believe in.

Charles Rogers Signs With Team Kanye

We are pleased to announce that over three years after leaving the NFL following one of the worst decisions of Matt Millen's career, Charles Rogers is making a comeback. Early Monday morning, representatives for I'm Charles Rogers reached terms for a blockbuster 8 year, $81 million incetive laden contract with Team Kanye. Terms of the deal have yet to be disclosed, but sources familiar with the deal have indicated that Roger's pending legal issues will not affect his status with the team.

Teams sources indicate that negotiations between Team Kanye and Michael Crabtree will continue despite the signing of the former Michigan State standout.

Taylor Swift was unavailable for comment.

Jay-Z is not Charles Rogers

Jay-Z also has a cool commercial.



However, while Hova is in fact cool, he is not, in fact, Charles Rogers. He neither had 68 catches, nor 13 touchdowns. We regret any confusions surrounding this unfortunate event.